You may think differently if you’re one of those sex addicts who gets satisfaction in seeing flashes of 60+ year old women in the nude, or holding onto the panties of the members of your Sex Anonymous meetings that you sneak off to the bathroom with.

But unless you fall within those parameters, the darkness of Choke isn’t worth sitting through for that very tiny glimpse of light that is the film’s conclusion.

Instead of seeing Choke, just order late night Cinemax. You’ll get the same poor acting, cheesy writing, but definitely more pleasure.

Half the suspense of a Coen brothers film comes from the fact that these directors cannot be trusted in keeping their characters safe. Preparing to engage oneself in a romp with the Coens should be likened to heading out on the road with your legally blind 90-year old grandmother at the wheel. Dig your fingers into the nearest hunk of upholstery and expect some wild times ahead. So if you haven’t learned your lesson by now, take warning: these directors could care less if you like their film; they just want to make a good movie.

Hamlet 2, director Andrew Fleming's hilariously quirky and unpredictable film stars Steve Coogan as Dana Marschz — a failed actor who decides to try his luck as a high school drama teacher, "where dreams go to die," in Tucson, Ariz. His drama department consists of only two students, who put on dismal adaptations of Hollywood hits such as Erin Brockovich that are largely ignored. He is harassed by everyone from a lisping ninth grader who writes scathing reviews of his plays in the school newspaper, a tyrannical principal who sees no value in the arts, and his wife, Brie (Catherine Keener) who is more than a little bitter about their low income and Dana's low sperm count.

August is looking to be as bleak a month for new DVDs as it traditionally is for theatrical releases. This coming week's new DVDs are, unlike our theaters, blissfully Brendan Fraser-free, but don't get excited. Mr. Fraser's participation in two of the country's top five movies means that there is a week somewhere in the near future during which we will once again be berated with family friendly one-liners from the immediate classics Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D and The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Crystal Skulls or whatever it's called. And despite his absence from our video store shelves, not a whole lot else is happening on them.

Tomorrow night, Illini Union Board hauls their big screen out to the Quad for the last time this summer to present the Marvel super hero flick, Iron Man. The movie explodes at 9 p.m., and the view — under the stars, of course — won't cost you a thing, save a few mosquito bites.

Critically and commercially, Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight is turning out to be the biggest hit of the year, maybe of all time. Both the amount of box office records it has broken and its staggering 94 percent rating on rottentomatoes.com has surprised nearly every industry analyst; no one expected it to be so good or so successful. It is a very lengthy sequel to a moderately successful (in the world of superhero movies, anyway) reboot of a franchise based on a character who had already had six films based on him — eight if you count the 1940s serials. Everyone knew it was going to be big, but it had enough working against it that no one thought it would be this big.

It’s no secret that Urbana Free Library has a great collection of films on their shelves for borrowing. But, tonight, — and this might be lesser known — the library is pulling out their projector for a showing of The Bothersome Man as the last selection of Art Flicks Film Series.

The Dark Knight descended on the box office this past weekend breaking records by amassing more than $155 million and doing more than its fair share to reinvigorate a decidedly mediocre offering of summer movies. Director Christopher Nolan created a more than worthy sequel to Batman Begins, continuing the saga of Batman, the reluctant tragic hero. Evil never looked so glamorous in large part due to a hauntingly beautiful Chicago, luminescent and eerie, ably appropriating the crime besieged Gotham City.

Watching Wanted a few weeks ago, I was amused and surprised to see a bar I have passed every day on the train during my summer in Chicago featured prominently. I chuckled aloud in the theater, only to see heads turn my way, the faces expressing their disdain for someone so easily excited by familiar sights on the big screen. I realized that people from Chicago must see stuff they recognize all the time in films and that it was totally not cool of me to think anything of it.

I can't help it, though: I'm from Champaign-Urbana, which somehow ranks below Peoria and Decatur on the "Illinois towns people recognize" rankings. On the rare occasion we get mentioned in a film, we throw parties, like the birthday party for the HAL 9000 that kicked off Ebertfest ten years ago. So here I present a list, albeit a short one, of films that make me go, "Hey! I'm from there!"

The history of female comedic duos is a mighty short list: Ethel and Lucy, Laverne and Shirley, and now, one for the 21st century, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Reared in the school of belly laughs — Chicago’s famed Second City — the Saturday Night Live players (Fey as alum), put forth their first offering on the big screen as a team.

The film, Baby Mama, unspools under the stars tonight on the Quad as part of the Summer Quad Cinema Series hosted by the Illini Union Board.

If you didn’t read Where the Wild Things Are as a kid, then you are probably either a.) too cool to read, or b.) illiterate. Next you’ll tell me that you missed out on Dr. Seuss, as well.

However, those who are not yet acquainted with the story of Max and his band of mythical beasts need not fear; Maurice Sendak’s childhood classic is making the jump to the big screen in 2009. I, for one, don’t know whether I should jump for joy or sneer in disgust. It’s definitely a well imagined story, but is Where the Wild Things Are destined to join the leagues of other books that never should have been made into movies?

Friday brings us the release of Pixar’s Wall-E, and what better way to celebrate than a top five countdown? In the short history of computer-generated imagery, there have been some great feature length films, and it’s only fitting that we pay homage to the best of the best.

So here you have it, ladies and gents: my top five CGI films of all time.

5.) Kung Fu Panda (Dreamworks, 2008)

In what may be a terribly premature inclusion, I’m tipping my hat to Jack Black and the creators of Kung Fu Panda. When posters and previews for this movie first started springing up, I was ready to christen it this year’s Napoleon Dynamite. However, after giving in to the buzz and heading to theaters to see the flick myself, I won’t hesitate to spread the word: Kung Fu Panda is the real deal.

What amazes me about M. Night Shyamalan is he seems to have friends. How else would he get such talented actors like John Leguizamo, Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel in one film? They certainly can’t be signing on because of the integrity of the project. And I don’t believe Shyamalan has enough money to coerce them into ruining their careers in one foul swoop. Maybe outside of his whiney press releases, where the writer/director/producer complains how Disney dumped him and explains away the bad reviews for his films as a failure to realize the “scope of his visions,” he redeems his name by throwing good parties. He probably spends hours telling his guests hilariously improbably stories, leaving his guests rolling, and in turn, mistakenly giving him the idea that these ridiculous premises could make good movies. If that’s the case, please, someone, direct Mr. Shyamalan into making comedies.

As a devoted fan of Sex and the City, I eagerly awaited the release of a feature length film. I have seen every episode more than once and my friends and I felt a certain affinity to Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte. And even though we are middle class thirty-somethings and are more Payless than Prada, there is still a common bond between us.

What though, could we possibly have in common with a group of moneyed Manhattanites?

Therein lies the secret of Sex and the City.