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Thomas Gould grew up in a house, near a farm, by a creek, on an August day in 1979. He attended a parochial grade school and a public high school before attending U of I in 1998. He graduated in 2002 with an English degree and no future prospects for employment. He went "on the lam" for four years and then positioned himself back in Champaign-Urbana with a job in the transportation industry. After the winter solstice of 2005, he landed a career in human resources as a recruiter. He currently resides in Urbana, IL and is intent on adapting to the recyclable, arboresque paradigm set forth by its municipality.
I recently had a meeting near Carle Hospital. I didn’t have enough change to satiate the parking meters for three hours, so I turned off of Lincoln Avenue, onto Hill Street and found a parking space on the street.
After the meeting, I returned to my car. As I approached my driver's side door, I discerned an orange envelope beneath my wipers. “There is no way I have a ticket,” I said out loud. Sure enough, when I opened that little envelope, I found a fifteen dollar ticket for BLOCKING/OBSTRUCTING DRIVEWAY (within 5 feet of driveway entrance). I then yelled, “No f-ing way.”
I went around to the front of my car and noticed that the very front end of my car was approximately three feet from the entrance of a driveway. Technically I had broken the law, but I had no idea that it was a law anyway. I searched for a sign on the street and found none. I went out Lincoln Ave. and took 74E to Cunningham. I was looking all over the place for a billboard or some damn advertisement telling me that I couldn’t park within five feet of someone’s drive.
When I got back to my work, I called Urbana’s Finance department to ask a few questions. This is how the conversation went:
“Urbana City Finance.”
“Yes, this is Thomas Gould. I just found a ticket on my car for fifteen dollars for parking within five feet of someone’s driveway.”
“Yes, you will need to pay that fine.”
“Is there any use in disputing this?”
“You can if you would like.”
“I have to tell you, I’ve never heard of anything like this before. I’ve lived in four different cities and I’ve never had this problem. I mean, I was about three feet from their driveway.”
“Sir, you can’t park within five feet of someone’s drive in Urbana.”
“How the hell am I supposed to know that? There’s no sign posted and I sure as hell didn’t find a billboard welcoming me to this city with that caveat.”
“Sir, we don’t have to have our ordinances posted.”
“Why not?”
“Sir, have you read The Rules of the Road?”
“Yes, of course I have.”
“Well, then you would know that whenever you enter another municipality that you have to abide by their rules too.”
At this point I was about to walk over to the Finance office to defenestrate this young lady out on to Vine St., hopefully to be crushed by an emerging fire truck, but I took a deep breath instead. I had numerous things that I wanted to say to her and even more questions to ask, but it was pointless. She didn’t have to be a smart ass though.
I finally said to her, “Look, I know this is just your job and you must have to answer these questions all the time, but just be a human for once and tell me if you think this is fair.”
“Sir,” she said, “you have to pay attention to our rules. There is nothing more I can say.”
I hung the phone up on her. I was so frustrated and pissed off. I didn’t know what I could do.
Luckily I am able to write this cathartic article. I am also able to warn anyone traveling to Urbana, or any other city for that matter, to check all the rules of the municipality before parking, sneezing, eating, dancing or pooping. Know your rules. Know them or go live in Switzerland.
Here are some other parking rules in Urbana:
For more information, please visit: www.city.urbana.il.us/urbana/finance/parking/Prohibited_Parking.html
Comments (20)
Thursday, July 24, 2008 10:21 AM
I recommend paying the fine in pennies... :)
Thursday, July 24, 2008 10:42 AM
it's really, really hard to maneuver a car safely out of one's driveway -- and see oncoming traffic -- when a self-important, whining dildo parks immediately abutting the outlet.
consciousness of others will stop you from making these mistakes, even without reading municipal code.
urbana's fine code is constructed based on years of experience with self-important, whining dildoes. most of them are young, precious, and have had little practice thinking of others -- or even paying for their own sh!t.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 11:33 AM
I feel like such a rebel now...I violate a lot of those parking regulations...and haven't gotten a ticket. I'll have to look up Champaign's since everyone on my street would be fined excessively if we followed Urbana's rules. (btw, none of those 'rules' are in The Rules of Road).
Thursday, July 24, 2008 11:42 AM
This is one of those things where I definitely come down on the side of "ignorance is no excuse". People parking too close to driveways make it impossible for the people pulling out to see oncoming traffic, and it creates a really dangerous situation. Not to mention it's a royal pain in the ass! I wish someone had ticketed the high school kids that insisted on creating a "parking space" in front of my place on University Avenue, leaving their cars with the back bumper touching the edge of my driveway. You parked like a jerk and someone caught you, so suck it up and stop whining.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 11:42 AM
C'mon now. "But I didn't know the law" is never a reasonable defense.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 1:22 PM
Chalk it up as a donation to the City of Urbana.
On a side note, why does Rob have so much experience with dildos????
Thursday, July 24, 2008 2:32 PM
I'm just excited to see the use of the word defenestrate. It's one of my favorites. Outstanding.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 2:44 PM
Or how about paying your meter $6.75 in downtown to work all day - then running downstairs to pay more and realizing the damn parking enforcement truck just pulled away and gave you a $10 ticket. It would have been cheaper to get the ticket at 8 a.m. and parked there 'til 5:30 p.m. when I leave work.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 3:22 PM
ride bikes. man, some of you all are mean.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 3:56 PM
I dunno -- I just still feel like there is something horribly wrong with overly inflated prices on parking.
$0.75 an hour is overly inflated, no matter how you slice it. We're talking purely market value here. In Champaign, IL - $0.50 an hour would have been a far more rational inflation rate given the current market climate.
And more than that -- the "decision makers" regarding what tickets to uphold and what tickets to throw out in the cities of Urbana and Champaign are either really sad people -- or simply just aren't able to see scenarios through the eyes of an average driver.
And don't get me started on Meter Maids and Meter Men.
Did you know I once got reprimanded by one of them for simply feeding a meter for a car that was about to get a ticket. She told me it was "against the law to feed a meter for a car that I do not own."
Urbana! Yay for neighborly affections!!
Seriously though -- I agree -- parking within 5 feet of driveways. It's important to not do that. You really can't see otherwise when backing out.
There should seriously be WARNINGS for first time offenders though. The idea shouldn't be to fill the city coffers with money from shit like this. It should be about the prevention of these mistakes to avoid accidents.
Get on it, Laurel.
Word.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:09 PM
Come on now people, what makes a differnce if there three feet or five feet from your driveway? If its a problem, look through the car, it has windows. Hows about making a law that you cant park across the street from me so I can back out quicker? We are all becoming such followers. Calling the man a dildo because he complained about a law? Whats next, calling the city of Champaign and asking for meters on your side street? As long as we are telling people beware stories. If you park a motorcycle in downtown Champaign where there is no meter, ends of blocks ect....you get a 30 dollar ticket....and no free drinks at the street fest either.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 7:36 PM
I think five feet is pretty standard--it's the same in Champaign, according to their municipal code. It doesn't seem unreasonable to me.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 9:56 PM
OK - I have something nice to say. The meter man excused me from a second ticket today after he saw my car parked there for more than two hours. I ran downstairs (again) to ask if he was eyeing my car.
Apparently, once you get a ticket you only have two hours before you can get another.
Thank you from sparing me a second!
Thursday, July 24, 2008 10:30 PM
luke, you're right -- dildoes are very useful. i didn't intend to impugn their utility.
seth, you're wrong -- high parking fees are a great way to encourage people to keep cars out of congested areas. meter maids & men have a difficult & important job, and you just piled on. way to go.
wm -- i don't even know where to begin, or why. rationalizing inappropriate behavior is priority one for chronic misdemeanants. you readily ignore the plaintive cries of "it's dangerous" (which might also be inferred as the very reason that this particular ordinance found its way into municipal codes). are you also of the "dogs shit, that's what they do" camp that leaves lawn bundles for your neighbors?
the simplistic generalization "cars have windows" is easily disproved.
http://cache.jalopnik.com/assets/resources/2008/02/BrownEconoline_Rr_RH.jpg
http://z.about.com/d/minivans/1/7/8/6/-/-/11.jpg
http://www.regencyrep.com/images/f150badlander4.jpg
http://www.jsjelectrichouston.com/images/photographs/utility-van.gif
http://orlandotruckrentals.com/logo/express_2500_100.jpg
Friday, July 25, 2008 10:39 AM
Rob -
Watch This
Friday, July 25, 2008 11:05 AM
Rob, why assume that Thomas does not pay is "own shi!t"?...Do you know him to presume this? Is it possible that he is using a bit of sarcasm in this article?
And seriously...does 2 ft. really make a difference (he was 3 ft. away from the driveway)? I just think if you are a relatively adequate(not even good!) driver, you should be able to pull out safely when a car is 3 feet away on the street. Ridiculous.
Friday, July 25, 2008 1:27 PM
A. My dad got a ticket years ago for turning right on red in Urbana. There was no "No turn on red" sign posted at the intersection so he turned. The officer explained all of Urbana is a no right on red even though it isn't posted *anywhere*...so never turn right on red in Urbana.
B. I park less than a foot from my own driveway...as does everyone else in my neighborhood. If you don't have the ability to check for traffic before backing out, you shouldn't be driving. I don't care if you are 3 ft or 5 ft---if there's a moving van parked there it won't make a bit of difference....
C. These are just a few of the many reasons I avoid Urbana and their small-town mentality like the plague.
Friday, July 25, 2008 4:23 PM
champaign resident: stop overwhelming me with your superior driving abilities and your big-city mentality. and there are "no turn on red" signs everywhere in urbana. perhaps your dad is one of these aforementioned dildos everyone keeps referring to. ;)
p.s. i also haven't been avoiding the plague, maybe i need a check-up.
Saturday, July 26, 2008 5:07 PM
nice rob.......lets see....i dont own the street but i do own my own yard.....so no.....i dont want a dog to shit on my lawn. It's dangerous to just drive a car.....and good for you, youve seen a van. We are suppose to be defensive drivers, weather you are driving down the street or pulling out of your drive, take precaution. The city cannot do that for you. And the comment to seth about high meters are suppose to keep people away from congested areas, thank god you dont own a retail business downtown.
Friday, August 1, 2008 11:40 AM
Ride a bike.