Blogging as therapy
Cynthia Voelkl was in a tough spot when she started her blog, The Sandwich Life, in 2006. "I just needed an outlet," she says. "I was in a lousy job situation, my dad's Alzheimer's was really starting to show, and it just wasn't a good time."
So, what started as an online mom's group when her eldest son was born turned into something more personal. "I remember posting on that [mom's] board once, 'Somebody else better post or I'm going to feel like I'm blogging." And I was like, 'Well, I suppose I could.' It had never really occurred to me. And so that was really it."
Since then, she's lost her father and sister; her husband, Ernie, has endured health problems; and her two spirited young sons have been a challenge.
Voelkl's posts are intensely personal, detailed forays into her family's daily life. "It started as a way to update my sisters and a couple friends," she explained. "So, then they would nag me if I wouldn't post often, and then it's grown into something where it's really cheap therapy."
Her blog gets its name from the Sandwich generation, those folks who are feeling squeezed between the demands of caring for elderly parents and young children at the same time. "My sister ... was on the faculty at Clemson University, and her field of study was geriatrics," she said. "She used to talk about how 'the sandwich generation' was something of a misnomer because most people don't have young children and elderly parents.
"But she would use Ernie and I as an example in her class of 'they really are' [members of the sandwich generation] because we had kids late. And the boys were pretty young [when I started the blog], and, yeah, I was definitely feeling the sandwich life."
Voelkl, the assistant director of the Japan House on campus, finds that writing for an audience helps her stay focused. "I've never been able to keep a journal to save my soul," she related. "But there's something about writing for even an imaginary audience, or even my sisters, that somehow doing that made it satisfying."
In addition to the therapeutic aspect of writing the blog, Voelkl has found that it has other benefits. "We've reconnected with lots of old friends, and now we have friends in town that I've made through [The Sandwich Life]," she noted. "It's slowly grown where I have more readers. Like anybody that blogs, I love it when people leave comments or stop us somewhere and say, 'I really like your blog,' so that's satisfying."
Since so much of the content is not uplifting, Voelkl frequently evaluates her purpose for the site. "In the last year, when I've written some really depressing posts. I'll think, 'Why in the hell would anybody want to read this?'" she said. "And then I'll stop, because that's not why I do it. If I really thought about writing for people, what they wanted — that's really not what I do at all. It's really just to let it out.
"The stuff we've gone through in the last few years, the older I get, the more I realize, everybody's going through this. If not now, they have, or they will. Losing family, cancer, irritating children, and Alzheimer's, we all get it at one time or another. I think that's why people do respond to it sometimes."
Voelkl — who received her bachelor's degree from UIUC and lived in Ann Arbor and Chicago before returning to Champaign in 1994 — has deep roots in the C-U music community. "Ernie was in a band for a while, and he worked at Record Service [while I was in college], so we just knew everybody in the music scene at that time," she recalled. "We left in '85. He's worked at record stores all his life, and I worked at most of them, too. We're just sort of oriented towards music."
As a result, she's stayed in contact (or reconnected through her blog) with a lot of the musicians from that era, like the Vertebrats. "We've reconnected with [Vertebrats frontman] Kenny [Draznik] through the blog, and he comments all the time. They've been so supportive, with my father and everything. It's a really tight-knit group."
The Vertebrats figured prominently in The Sandwich Life's early days. "I started the blog almost exactly three years ago, and that fall, there was a Vertebrats reunion, and I wrote about it," Voelkl said. "When people google 'Vertebrats,' [they find the article], and that's how we reconnected with a lot of old friends."
Cynthia Voelkl has taken The Sandwich Life from its beginnings as a "so-called mommy blog," in her words, to something that is relevant to the larger C-U community. Here's to hoping for brighter days ahead for her and her family.
21 comments
Mel Farrell
I’m one of those friends who discovered Cynthia and her blog via the Vertebrats connection. I have to say that she is one of the most insightful, sensitive, and truthful writers I’ve ever read.
Now we are friends and occasionally enjoy a glass of wine in her backyard, trade seeds and plants and cherish some really good music. You see, we’re both Record Service former employees, from different decades of working there!
Ken Draznik
Finding Cynthia’s blog was a gift. There are tons of folks like me who left C-U long ago, but still hold it dear to our hearts. By giving us a daily glimpse into her family’s life, Cynthia allows us to connect not only to her family, but to the community as well. It’s been a privilege to be allowed to share her life.
She takes incredible flower photos, too, by the way.
Rob Arrol
Don Gerard clued me in to Cynthia’s blog a couple years back and I check it almost daily. She writes about what many of us deal with on a daily basis and she doesn’t shy away from discussing the challenges of life. You have to applaud someone so willing to give her all and pull back the curtain on issues that many would consider to be profoundly private. Plus, she and Ernie collectively have probably the best taste in music of anyone I know.
Faye
I am from Calgary, AB, Canada and found Cynthia’s blog through another message board (Kevin Welch). I read it all from beginning to end and related to so many of her stories and situations. I continue to read and enjoy daily. I just connected with her even though I have never met her. I would like to some day!
Keep writing please!
Tim
I’m a loyal Sandwich Life blog-reader (can we coin the term “SandwichHeads?“ , or is that a little too LaBamba-ish…?) , and I enjoyed reading this “behind the scenes” piece.
Excellent. A+! Thank you!
-Tim Borbely
Jen
I really enjoy reading about Cynthia’s sandwich life. I also have two young sons (ages 3 and 8) and parents with health problems. Plus - my boys LOVE the lego pictures.
Diana and Jim Eyre
We have known Cynthia since she was a child. She and her parents attended antique shows and were avid collectors.(So are we!) We have followed her “career” as a student, an employee, a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother. She has even mentioned us in her blog and posted pictures! It has been a great way for us to keep in touch, espcially now that we live in California. We read her blog almost every day and look forward to learning what she and the family have been doing.
Lori Stewart (Gnightgirl)
If I have no time to read blogs on any given day, I still find time to check in on Cynthia’s. Although I don’t have small children in my life, we have a lot of other similar circumstances going on in our lives, and Cynthia’s writing really does make me feel less alone in dealing with my own. While she hashes out life’s sucky circumstances, she also acknowledges those things in life that are beautiful, and she always leaves me smiling. And hopeful.
Sasha Rubel
Thanks for highlighting Cynthia’s blog. Don’t forget Ernie’s estimable photo contributions, along with Cynthia’s amazing, artistic photos!
She’s incredibly cool—forthright in her honest accounts of her life and simply lovely to everyone, including old friends like me who drifted for awhile and came back. You nailed it when you spoke of a meeting place for people in C-U and beyond. If I were to quibble, I’d say that the therapy aspects are overstated, it never feels overly earnest or psycho-anythingish. Her blog’s a riot, and genuinely touching, too. I hope lots of people will check it out.
Norma
I was a colleague of her sister, Judi. Although I did not know Judi really well like some in the profession did, i respect her wqork and contributions to the field.
I’m not quite sure how I became aware of Cynthia’s blog, but I have it bookmarked and check on her every day. I feel like I know her much better than I knew Judi!
I don’t share her love for the same music, although some (why oh why) make me laugh. I do love her photographs, her insight, her humanity, her struggles, her boys, and of course Ernie.
I think she reminds us all of the impact we can and do have on each other’s lives. We are all connected. For some reason, I want to send her lots of beautiful flowers and heritage seeds, and a big ol’ hug. She is an amazing, gifted woman and I’m glad she shares her life with all of us.
ard
i (and i suspect others) are drawn to the sandwich life because of cynthia’s sheer honesty. it takes a lot of courage to expose oneself everyday to the peering eyes of friends and strangers. in a culture where many people seem to be worrying about their image, it is so refreshing to see cynthia dealing with her often challenging experiences with such honesty and candor….and almost always, with a great sense of humor, too
Anna
I met Cynthia and her family while teaching her sons at a local parent cooperative preschool. I felt an instant connection with her family and grew to love her boys. My mother also suffers from Alzheimers and no one completely understands what a child of a parent with alzheimers goes through until you live it. Cynthia’s thoughts and insights about her father have helped me to deal better with my emotions about my mother. I have thoroughly loved Cynthia’s honesty throughout her many blogs and I hope she continues!
Cynthia
Wow.
Wow.
See what I mean about the kindess and support?
Thanks Joel and everybody else! You guys all made my day….
Angie
So honest and funny. I find great comfort in her writing. When things have gone horribly wrong, as they sometimes do, I can always go to her blog and know I am not alone. (And she is just as nice in person!)
One of my top 3 local blogs, without question. Love running into C and her family at the Market - they’re devoted shoppers!
Margaret
Cynthia’s blog is a beautiful work of art…yes, I menat to say art. I can not figure out what is more powerful, her lovely photographs or her touching words. It is a can’t miss.
I only read Cynthia’s blog in hopes Adam Schmitt will someday show up.
growingcurious
Cynthia and I are in similar situations, and her blog is an almost-daily inspiration for me. Plus, her photography is breathtaking.
Paul Budin
I think what really captivates people, besides those of us who know and love Cynthia and Ernie, is her sincerity and honesty. It is a true breath of fresh air, and she is giving voice to many of the feelings many of us from the CU music community and our generation are experiencing.
Amy
I’ve been reading Cynthia since before I moved to Urbana, and she has been unfailingl kind to me. Not to mention incredibly brave and honest. I read hundreds of blog posts every week, and The Sandwich Life is always one of my first clicks.
Gisele
One of the great things about your blog is that no matter how demanding the situations you encounter, we (your readers) know that you will make it through with grace and humor. You always come out the other side with your humanity intact. Who can resist the thoughts and musings of such a steadfast soul?
And, by the way, your photos are indeed wonderful.
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Wow, great article. I wish you the best in your endeavors and hope you have a nice trip.
As an adoptee, I can empathize—although I’m not an international adoptee, and I apologize if I’m assuming too much on the nature of your adoption. You can feel what you feel, but don’t be too hard on yourself. When I started a search for my birth family,…
wait, I was commenting on the wrong thing - sorry - he’s actually a gigantic sellout but who really knows what all this is about.
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Joel, thank you for the opportunity to answer these questions and have them posted here. I really appreciate it! Yes, I was thrilled to see that Rep. Kucinich flipped today, so he will has committed to voting yes for health reform. I appreciated his comments which seem…
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Wow, great article. I wish you the best in your endeavors and hope you have a nice trip.
Um. Yeah — check out that “General Disclaimer” at the bottom of the article, folks.
As an adoptee, I can empathize—although I’m not an international adoptee, and I apologize if I’m assuming too much on the nature of your adoption. You can feel what you feel, but don’t be too hard on yourself. When I started a search for my birth family,…
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wait, I was commenting on the wrong thing - sorry - he’s actually a gigantic sellout but who really knows what all this is about.
If the democrats didn’t have Kucinich, and the republicans didn’t have Ron Paul, where would both these parties really stand? These men actually mean what they say.
Joel, thank you for the opportunity to answer these questions and have them posted here. I really appreciate it! Yes, I was thrilled to see that Rep. Kucinich flipped today, so he will has committed to voting yes for health reform. I appreciated his comments which seem…
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Nate, No offers to crash but I was wondering if you’d ever considered publishing the plans to your trailer. You might make a dollar or two especially after you go solar! Let me know if you do it. Sincerely, Don