When I worked at FedEx, the company had a policy in place that prevented employees from transferring to another position for a period of 18 months. This might seem like a long time to be held in a position, but it makes sense. It normally takes a minimum of three to six months for a new employee to get a grasp on their job. It might take another six months for the same employee to be autonomous in their position. After another six months or so, that employee might feel confident enough to train someone to learn their job. While this is all situational and dependent on numerous factors, it is still my opinion that it takes at least one to two years for a person to learn a job.
Technology is very convenient in the workplace. It speeds up communication, cuts down on the use of paper and allows information to be analyzed more efficiently, thus enabling companies to run more smoothly. I work in a very fast-paced environment, so the use of technology is critical to our survival. Whenever I hire someone, I am able to send out all of our new hire paperwork to the new hire via his or her email. I find this to be very helpful to us, because we are able to circumnavigate the postal service. The new hire usually likes this too, because within hours after the offer is made, they have all the information they need, prior to their physical.
Even though technology does pay off most of the time, there are times when it can be disastrous. I have found that some applicants don’t think about how their technological choices might be viewed by potential employers.
Do you remember the show Kids Say the Darndest Things? It was a television show, hosted by Bill Cosby, that aired during the end of the 90s (a previous incarnation was hosted by Art Linkletter). In the show, Cosby would ask adorable children simple questions to provoke a cute response. The novel show didn’t last long, because eventually audience members started to throw up due to the hyperbolic levels of cuteness the kids exuded. The Surgeon General came in, shut the show down, forced Cosby into exile and made Art Linkletter (co-host) eat pudding pops for a year. Of course that isn’t true, but the show did run out of gas, because cute kids really aren’t that entertaining.
If I had a chance to develop a show that would eventually run itself into the ground after one season, it would be "Applicants Say the Craziest Shit." I would set up hidden video cameras in my office and I would edit all the footage so that America could see the insane behavior some of my applicants possess.
When I think about my high school counselor, I can’t really recall him being influential to me. I think he had glasses and I think I was slightly attracted to his daughter, but that’s about it. I’m sure that he would hate to read this article, but if he had done a better job guiding me, then I could have given him more encomiums in this commentary.
I don’t think I’m alone here. Am I? I think that guidance counselors should spend less time fantasizing with students and more time working on the rudiments of finding employment, such as how to dress for an interview.
Interviewing can be one of the most stressful experiences in life, depending on the desirability of the job. The anticipation of an interview can be intense: you might not sleep the night before, you might not be able to eat all day and chances are you might say something in the interview that you will regret.
I think everyone has gone through this at some time or another. If you haven’t, you will. Eventually you might even land a job that requires you to interview, and then you will know what it’s like to be me. So far this year, I have interviewed over 150 people, and most of the interviews are stereotypically boring. However, now and again I get the opportunity to interview some pretty “special people”.
( Ed. note: Thomas will have more interesting HR stories to tell in future editions of this regular column. )
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