Come one, come all! And when we say come…
Spring fever has hit and we have a warm-weather treat that is sure to leave you all hot and bothered. We figured it’s time to bring a little spice to Champaign-Urbana’s nightlife, and who better to indulge you in your deepest desires than your favorite, sexy, SP writers.
Join us at Mike ‘n Molly’s this Saturday night for a show that is guaranteed to knock your socks off. Actually, on second thought, don’t wear socks. We’ll need access to your beautiful, bare feet.
A sneak peak of what’s in store for this decadent evening of debauchery:
Music columnist Ms. Weisner will start our night off right with a slow, seductive revelation of what’s hiding under that lab coat she sports all day at med school. Set to one of the finest soundtracks you’ll hear all year, her snake and feather-accompanied strip tease promises to fulfill all the reptilian, avian and mammalian fantasies you’ve ever dared dream. While we don’t encourage feeding the animals, there will be no shortage of performers and participants ripe for petting.
Mrs. Nectoux sheds her editorial persona and assumes her after-dark identity of Dominatrix Demoana. Leather, whips, rope and a fierce pair of stiletto-heeled boots will be just a few of the items you can expect to see as she handpicks her Submissives from the crowd. We won’t spoil all the fun, but we encourage all attendees to wear a few layers of undergarments to the show—especially if you bruise easily.
Our favorite yogini-in-training, Mrs. Gabriel, will defy gravity with some jaw dropping moves she’s been saving up over the course of TYE. As she contorts herself into a tangled mass of limbs and hair, Gillian will make us question where she raised the funds to get those lower three ribs removed. One lucky audience member will even have the opportunity to get a VIP tutorial on how to use his/her own clavicle to stimulate the prostate/gspot!
Not one to be outdone by his better half, Mr. Gillespie will follow with a titillating demonstration of his new line of environmentally friendly bicycle-powered sex toys. No longer are those looking for a little extra ride from their ride stuck with that simple and unsatisfying seat removal routine. Join Joel in the beer garden and find out how your bike can get you off right after you get on!
Resident disgruntled graduate student Mademoiselle Mica will shirk her academic responsibilities for one night only to wow us with what she’s named “The Tempo.” Fast, slow, and everywhere in between, pack a snack for this one, folks—she’s a marathoner, so we know she’s got stamina whether she’s on the road or on her back!
By this time we expect you’ll be feeling a little randy, and ready for at least some mild participation in the night’s activities. Head upstairs during our intermission and let editor and co-founder Mrs. Bursoni indulge your appetite for pleasure. Shirts, shoes, and pants are strongly discouraged as Justine showcases some of her most artistic abilities on willing participants with a variety of pleasingly edible provisions. Note: To enjoy this act to its fullest potential, please notify our staff of any food or latex allergies before playing.
While you’re there, stick around for the Nickel and Dime Peep Show where you can get glimpses of other writers’ naughty bits for mere pocket change! Spend 35 cents or more and our own Abe Lincoln look-alike will give you a special show for a single shiny penny.
To get your final juices flowing, SP co-creator Mr. Fein will bring it home with amazing feats of manscaping and esophageal flexibility. Sporting his legendary hand-crafted “hairkini” (patent pending), Seth will shock and delight us as he breathes fire from a sword-occupied throat. Nothing is too hot, too sharp, too long or too hard for this professionally trained gullet of steel. Spectators should plan to stay until last call, when Seth will reveal his most coveted of rod-swallowing skills.
Can’t make it out on Saturday? Plan to attend and leave wanting more? Learn how to bring some of these tricks to your own bedroom on any budget with my DIY Sex Toys Workshop during iSHAG week at UIUC, sponsored by the Women’s Resources Center.
So, get ready to get wet, weird and wild with the SP crew and help us ring in the spring season with the hottest night this town has seen!