In a shocking act of aggression, Smile Politely liberation forces claim to have taken control of an ostentatious granite building, located on REO Speedwagon Way in downtown Champaign. Details are still sketchy at press time, but La Prensa is reported to have fallen into the hands of the insurgents, and IlliniHQ Magazine (formerly thought to be a stronghold of regime support) is teetering on the brink of collapse.
Shortly after the above picture was taken, a crowd of joyful residents pulled down the “newsie” statue and dragged it down Walnut Street. Counter-revolutionary spokespersons immediately dismissed the crowd’s actions as a staged propaganda act conducted by Smile Politely operatives. Smoldering newsprint could be smelled up to a mile from the city center. During the confusion, several DUI arrests in Sedorus Sadorus went completely unreported, and coupons went unredeemed throughout East Central Illinois.
In a prepared statement issued to WRFU-FM, the Smile Politely high command said: “We are here to establish a dictatorship of the commentariat. All your base are belong to us.” There was also something about weapons of mass destitution, but that report could not be corroborated.
Despite the tactical advantage gained through occupying the building, military analysts believe that Smile Politely’s coup will be short-lived. Reinforcements from WDWS are en route to the building, and a “coalition of the willing” including ClearChannel and Fox News have sent convoys from neighboring outposts.
Twitter users sympathetic to Smile Politely’s cause have changed their avatars to the site’s iconic red half-moon, similar to the TBS logo. Very funny.