Coulter admits it: he likes Dancing with the Stars
I got of box of those Klondike Choco Tacos the other day. I really enjoy regular Klondike bars and the advertisements for these ridiculous desserts sucked me in. It was okay, but it’s disconcerting to eat something that looks like a taco but tastes like something else. It suddenly strikes me that this entire introduction seems like it's sort of dirty, even though it really isn’t meant to be. Anyways, I plan to use a lot of ellipsis this week … probably incorrectly. Fun … but not really. Let’s get it on.
I’M PACKING … AND CAN ALSO OPEN PACKING MATERIALS
There was a time I always carried a pocketknife. This time was when I was five until I was about seven. I mostly carried one because my dad carried one. He would use his to clean rabbits and birds he had killed while hunting. I would use mine to fight off non-existent monsters while I played in the barn. I stopped carrying the knife a long time ago, but I still kept it around.
| Cher’s autograph
Tao Te Ching, verse 21
Since before time and space were,
the Tao is.
The 65th Cannes International Film Festival opened this week. I can smell it: sand and suntan oil, the perfume of supermodels lingering in elevators, the oxygen rush in the flower-bedecked Palais, endless free espresso shots at the Brazilian film market, the creamed spinach at the townie restaurant down the side street, wild strawberries and thyme on the Provencal hillside, the ooze of Camembert, the sweaty crush of paparazzi...
I like this sort of weather. Strangely, I have been saying this for almost an entire year so far. Is it possible that we now live in a place where it’s nice all the damned time? Probably not. I’m the kind of person who is always waiting for the other shoe to fall and the anticipation is killing me. I’m betting on some big assed tornadoes over the summer and then there’s always a long shot of an earthquake or …
My only goal last weekend was to go see that new Avengers movie. As you can probably guess, it never came to pass. I initially planned to see the first show on Saturday morning, but apparently I like staying out and drinking far more than I like getting up to go see a movie. As it now stands, I’ll pretend I’m going to see it for another week or so and then eventually get excited when it’s coming out on …
In my obdurate attempt to postpone or forgo entirely the root canal my dentist recommended, I began brushing with a three percent dilution of hydrogen peroxide, which some Internet self-professed expert had insisted would eliminate the need for oral surgery. Also, I purchased a battery-operated Water-Pic flosser, which works on the same principle as a SuperSoaker water gun, only for your mouth. It occurred to me that I might use this instrument to threaten the barking German Shepherd that snaps …
So there were a lot of things going on last week, Artists Against AIDS, Ebertfest, and that freaking marathon. Of course, I participated in none of the ones you’re supposed to, but I’m just fine with that. Still, it was swell to see my friend Paula who came in from Michigan for the Artist Against Aids. She promised to start reading my column if I promised to stop being so much of a dick. This, my friends, is what you …
The University of Illinois has a new President. Again. And both the University of Illinois and the State of Illinois are in dire financial straits. Still. Obviously, the solution to some of the problems being faced is to offer the outgoing University President a high-paying, tenured faculty position at the same University. (Sadly, that is not a joke. In fact, it’s kind of a bad habit around these parts.) And so, it is business as usual in academia, with a …
Michael McMahon filed suit in Vermilion County earlier this month against the News-Gazette, which is also the publisher of the Paxton Record. This case illustrates the cliche about truth being stranger than fiction. Let's start with the facts. On April 6, 2011 the Paxton Record published a letter to the editor purporting to be from a "Fr Michael McMahon, President of GLABA of Vermilion County." The letter announced the establishment of the Gay Lesbian and Bisexual Association of Vermilion County …
Well, this is going to be a fun weekend. On Sunday I get to go to my first guy on guy wedding. I don’t know what to expect but I truly hope I don’t meet a cute boy or anything because it would probably piss my wife off to no end. I plan to spend the next 48 hours trying to come up with fun things to say during their first kiss as a married, or civil-unioned, couple. I was …
We’ve started a little tradition around the Coulter house where every Sunday is fish taco night. It’s to the point where I actually get a little excited for it. The problem now is that it has become some sort of dare. Spicy food is great and most of the things we eat would have some people running for a cold glass of water (which doesn’t help) or at the very least uselessly waving their hand in front of their mouth. …
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hey, if hair ain’t gon’ be over your head, my jokes may as well be.
Okay, almost 24 hours later and I finally got Issac’s Summer joke. I’m an idiot.
Swap the dog for a fire pit and it sounds like you’re writing about my back yard. Very nice.
funny, as your summer begins, another Summer ends.
And that, my friend, is love. Bob, I think I still owe you for my wedding cake, served in 1998. But nevermind.
I believe the kiss between Rob and I was documented on low-quality videotape in the mid-ninties porn classic, Dirty Harry…and Sticky.
“Do I have to sign some forms, or am I just considered ‘in.’” You’re in!
Got damn, Coulter. You are the greatest.
I have no specific memory of it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d kissed Mike, too—once we’d both drunk ourselves gay. And earlier this week I gave Clarence Shelley a back rub. Do I have to sign some forms, or am I just considered “in.”
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Most Recent Comments
As a liberal conservative, and a person who favors taxes & services ... and also a sense of proportion; I savor the comic potential that still exists in this comments section. I’m pretty sure we can goad more anti-government rhetoric from confirmed progressives and government employees. If…
Did the Crave Truck get a permit to park in city metered spots and city right of way? Or did they just get a permit? The city clerk’s office seems to be a suspect here, but it’s not clear they did anything wrong. Did the Crave Truck…
High-profile whining. AKA Lobbying.
it’s quite choice. looking forward to seeing how it and its patronage grow and develop over the course of the year. could be a neat little ecosystem.
“It was at this point, before he started his business, that working with city employees should’ve raised red flags…” But they didn’t because: 1) The City Clerk’s office originally mis-interpreted the rules, or are indeed re-interpreting them. 2) Champaign’s brick-n-mortar merchants hadn’t yet started whining about The Crave Truck.
Super cool! Excellent track, Excellent band.
Looking forward to trying this place!
I’m in the middle (or the beginning or end, depending on how you look at it) of re-reading Slaughterhouse Five. What a great companion column.
Get yours early. The Rave’s CD will be available at Exile and at The C-U Flea on Saturday. C-U Flea details here: http://www.smilepolitely.com/news/sp_radio_podcast_c-u_flea_arrives/
I don’t know about Gerard and a random police sargeant. My (mild) outrage is based on this: “...he worked closely with Champaign City Clerk Marilyn Banks to make sure he was licensed properly as a transient food peddler, filling out the necessary paperwork and paying a $225…
Local Yocal pretty much nails it here. I suspect there will be merchants who oppose food trucks because they arguably don’t pay their fair share to locate their trucks in high traffic (high rent) areas. The food trucks take away business from rent payers, park in city…
Oh nice! I’d totally vote for Matt Campbell!
“Smile Politely sports writer announces candidacy for city government.”
I also got to visit Big Grove Tavern during the soft open and definitely enjoyed the pork belly the most of all the dishes I sampled. The cheesy grits and the vinegary pickled vegetables were a perfect compliment to the rich pork belly.
The Alan Partridge lookalike on the right in the first small photo has nothing to condescend to anyone about. AH HA!
Snell and the little Hitlers of the neighborhood association need to chill out. Legitimate businesses should have the freedom to exist without having to endure the slings and arrows of ignorant and misguided opposition.
represent, Matt.
Yeah, I’d agree that Transporter Room 3 is the worst house venue I’ve ever seen.
Food trucks are the start-up, small businesses of the future for those unable to afford real estate. No surprise, that merchants who pay rent, utilities, and maintenance on a property would despise the traveling competition. Or developers who build more empty retail spaces would want to close…
Not so much far-right Tea Party as a balanced, moderate viewpoint between letting businesses succeed and protecting society with reasonable regulations. In spite of what the city reps are saying, the interpretation of policy on this issue certainly has changed. Letting a business start up under one…
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I’m in the middle (or the beginning or end, depending on how you look at it) of re-reading Slaughterhouse Five. What a great companion column.