This past week I met a lot of dogs because I just happened to be visiting various friends who all had a dog or two (or four in the case of one who was dog sitting).
One thing I have noticed about dogs is that they are among the most accepting and tolerant creatures on the planet. They don’t care if you’re black or white, gay or straight, Christian or Muslim, conservative or liberal. They just sniff various parts of your body (which you may or may not appreciate) and then somehow they say to themselves in their lovable dog brains, “I like the way you smell. You’re OK.”
Dogs don’t judge or condemn you because you’re not a canine and they make no demands whatsoever that you become like them.
I wish human beings could be like that. But human beings, especially religious ones, get it backwards most of the time, which is kind of ironic because Dog is God spelled backwards.
And I think certain religious groups might be better off if they worshiped dogs instead of the intolerant, judgmental self-projections that they call God.
So today I am starting a new religious revolution.
I would like to propose that we replace that pithy and useless saying on our money with “In Dog We Trust.” And let’s replace that similar phrase in the Pledge of Allegiance with “One nation under Dog.” These changes would tell the world that we are a country full of good will, love and compassion instead of a country of an intolerant, sexist, racist, and homophobic deity.
Dogs rock. They really do.
I know, I know. Now, the cat people out there are crying foul. They will suggest that we make the changes say, “In cat we trust” and “One nation under cat.”
But that just won’t do.
A religious nation founded on dog principles is clearly superior to one founded on cat ideals. Dogs are loving and kind. Cats are selfish and cruel.
I’m a dog person. You should be one too.
So join my tolerant, loving and compassionate crusade to put dog pictures on the walls of every court house in the nation. Then we can start tackling the problem of what to do about cat people. For they surely are corrupting our society with their catnip and their litter boxes and their disgusting coughed-up hairballs.
I mean, yes, I’m all for tolerance, but we have to draw the line somewhere.
Comments (4)
Wednesday, July 23, 2008 1:18 PM
God is dog spelled backwards! What a great observation! I love this post. It makes me miss my beagle Marti.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008 4:39 PM
Nice post, except for the dig against cats.
Cats are like Henry Higgins of My Fair Lady. When told he had bad manners, he said that his manners were the same for everyone (hi-bred or not). Cats are the same way. They treat everyone as a potential servant. However, when a cat comes to you, puts his or her head in your lap and purrs with contentment, you know that you are a wonderful person--because a cat loves you. Dogs love everyone--big deal!
(I like dogs...I LOVE cats.)
Mother of two (Harry Potter and Hermione Grainger, age 5)
Wednesday, July 23, 2008 8:06 PM
Nice post: yes, dogs rule.
Perhaps instead of our current party system, we could simply have the Dogs and the Cats. And the Green party we know could be something like the Whales.
Man, this is reminding me of 6th grade at Jefferson. Go Manatees!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:30 AM
Well, I hate to tell you this but my dog is extremely racist. He does not like African-American or Mexican people. The reason is that he only likes people that look like us and we are all fair-skinned blond people. This can be quite embarrassing sometimes as he is a big boy and can make quite a scene. Everyone in our family is kind of short too so he doesn't like tall people either.