Category > Moëtry in the Potion
The people are idiots. Yesterday, a fraction of our electorate trudged pollwards and cast its ballot for familiar names, people it'd heard of somewhere before. In Champaign County's Republican primary, that meant Rick Winkel (not-running) beat Stephanie Holderfield (running) for Circuit Clerk. Among Democrats in the new Illinois 13th District, Tim Johnson's biennial punching bag David Gill beat reasonably attractive alternative Matt Goetten.
As the sun sets over Memorial Stadium, two dozen carnies are wrapping up a day-long set strike. On the muddy, ripped up fields at Oak & Kirby, a massive aluminum erector set folds neatly into 18-wheeler sized pieces. Last Thursday, this huge piece of temporary architecture hosted the most impressive noise nuisance in the history of Champaign-Urbana. Here's what it looked like up close. Those giant speakers point due east. The sound traveled well. Did anyone complain? Urbana Assistant Chief …
In a word "felching." In 300 words, a proposed policy to supplant the Transportation Security Administration ("TSA-holes") with a regimen requiring air travelers to kiss the naked genitals of one man and one woman, thereby gaining clearance to board a plane. In 77,000 words: God, No! Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales (Simon & Schuster). Late in capitalizing on the hottest publishing subject of the naughties, Jillette skips biblical analysis (almost) completely, and launches straight …
My two previous columns addressed the issues of The Car versus The Bicyclist, and The Driver versus The State. I've already explained that we don't care about victims of distracted driving because we don't want the State's Attorney to jail us. The Combs-Maul Affair, and especially the response from The People, revives a great old debate: How far do we want government to go in "protecting" us?
It's a great time to be furious with our local legal system. We're seeing a lot of repeat offenders, and repeat offenses, in Champaign County. Drug-addled ex-schoolteacher Mark Ohrnstein (pictured) makes the news like clockwork. Every two years he's prosecuted for the same crimes. The Mike Sola perp, Kiwane Carrington's associate Jeshuan Manning-Carter (and his mother) — and a seemingly endless parade of perps "well known to the police" for their perpetual erosion of east Urbana — incite regular Willie …
Cindy Combs died. David Combs survived, despite critical injuries. Errol Maul drove straight into them. These are facts you'll know well if you read Smile Politely regularly. You might have strong opinions about The Combs-Maul Affair. But do you really care? No, you don't. If you really cared, your outrage would take on an activist dimension. You're still sitting there, reading.
Rashard Mendenhall needed a mulligan to explain his discomfort. It's not that he likes Osama bin Laden. But he knew, when he saw crowds chanting USA! USA!, that something was amiss. Chanting crowds express no big ideas. Some don't know why they're chanting. They lack the sophistication to explain their visceral impulses.The same may be true of those repulsed by wild-eyed nationalism. I was uneasy, too. But I know the reason.
Attendance dwindled at Crystal Lake Pool. That's my perception. There were so few visible patrons the last few times I jogged past, I wouldn't have known it closed, but for the missing water. A few years have passed, and the Urbana Park District now wants you to vote for even more taxes, to pay for a new aquatic center. This tax would augment, not supplant, the tax you approved in 2009 — also for the park district. An irresponsible reliance …
An ultra-irritating sales prick knocked on our door at least three times Tuesday. I was working in the basement the first time, and the den the second. Each time I interrupted my activities only to see the prick departing by the time I got to the door. Persistent fucker, but not patient. He's the latest tool of AT&T's annual up-sell ritual, working on commission.
Jerommie Smith spent a decade at the Champaign County Sheriff's Department, serving on the SWAT team. If he's elected to head the office, his duties won't be so exciting. Instead of hostage crises, he's focused on solvency. For one thing, he wants to change the way summonses are served — to reduce man hours, mileage and gas costs. Jerommie says the current scheme sees process servers drive into and out of Urbana every day, which means an hour's worth of …
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hey, if hair ain’t gon’ be over your head, my jokes may as well be.
Okay, almost 24 hours later and I finally got Issac’s Summer joke. I’m an idiot.
Swap the dog for a fire pit and it sounds like you’re writing about my back yard. Very nice.
funny, as your summer begins, another Summer ends.
And that, my friend, is love. Bob, I think I still owe you for my wedding cake, served in 1998. But nevermind.
I believe the kiss between Rob and I was documented on low-quality videotape in the mid-ninties porn classic, Dirty Harry…and Sticky.
“Do I have to sign some forms, or am I just considered ‘in.’” You’re in!
Got damn, Coulter. You are the greatest.
I have no specific memory of it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d kissed Mike, too—once we’d both drunk ourselves gay. And earlier this week I gave Clarence Shelley a back rub. Do I have to sign some forms, or am I just considered “in.”
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Most Recent Comments
As a liberal conservative, and a person who favors taxes & services ... and also a sense of proportion; I savor the comic potential that still exists in this comments section. I’m pretty sure we can goad more anti-government rhetoric from confirmed progressives and government employees. If…
Did the Crave Truck get a permit to park in city metered spots and city right of way? Or did they just get a permit? The city clerk’s office seems to be a suspect here, but it’s not clear they did anything wrong. Did the Crave Truck…
High-profile whining. AKA Lobbying.
it’s quite choice. looking forward to seeing how it and its patronage grow and develop over the course of the year. could be a neat little ecosystem.
“It was at this point, before he started his business, that working with city employees should’ve raised red flags…” But they didn’t because: 1) The City Clerk’s office originally mis-interpreted the rules, or are indeed re-interpreting them. 2) Champaign’s brick-n-mortar merchants hadn’t yet started whining about The Crave Truck.
Super cool! Excellent track, Excellent band.
Looking forward to trying this place!
I’m in the middle (or the beginning or end, depending on how you look at it) of re-reading Slaughterhouse Five. What a great companion column.
Get yours early. The Rave’s CD will be available at Exile and at The C-U Flea on Saturday. C-U Flea details here: http://www.smilepolitely.com/news/sp_radio_podcast_c-u_flea_arrives/
I don’t know about Gerard and a random police sargeant. My (mild) outrage is based on this: “...he worked closely with Champaign City Clerk Marilyn Banks to make sure he was licensed properly as a transient food peddler, filling out the necessary paperwork and paying a $225…
Local Yocal pretty much nails it here. I suspect there will be merchants who oppose food trucks because they arguably don’t pay their fair share to locate their trucks in high traffic (high rent) areas. The food trucks take away business from rent payers, park in city…
Oh nice! I’d totally vote for Matt Campbell!
“Smile Politely sports writer announces candidacy for city government.”
I also got to visit Big Grove Tavern during the soft open and definitely enjoyed the pork belly the most of all the dishes I sampled. The cheesy grits and the vinegary pickled vegetables were a perfect compliment to the rich pork belly.
The Alan Partridge lookalike on the right in the first small photo has nothing to condescend to anyone about. AH HA!
Snell and the little Hitlers of the neighborhood association need to chill out. Legitimate businesses should have the freedom to exist without having to endure the slings and arrows of ignorant and misguided opposition.
represent, Matt.
Yeah, I’d agree that Transporter Room 3 is the worst house venue I’ve ever seen.
Food trucks are the start-up, small businesses of the future for those unable to afford real estate. No surprise, that merchants who pay rent, utilities, and maintenance on a property would despise the traveling competition. Or developers who build more empty retail spaces would want to close…
Not so much far-right Tea Party as a balanced, moderate viewpoint between letting businesses succeed and protecting society with reasonable regulations. In spite of what the city reps are saying, the interpretation of policy on this issue certainly has changed. Letting a business start up under one…
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I’m in the middle (or the beginning or end, depending on how you look at it) of re-reading Slaughterhouse Five. What a great companion column.