Guns and Violins
The Preschooler finds himself on the playground with a new friend from the city, and the friend suggests they play “Robbers and Policemen.”
“I’ll be the Robber, you be the Policeman!” the new friend shouts. “I’m gonna steal all the money!”
The kid screams and does a perfect John Woo sideways double-fingered gun at my child. “BANG! BANG!” a five-year-old mouth shoots. The Preschooler flings his hand back and forth at the criminal in a half-hearted effort to simulate a gun. He has no idea how to do it. On top of it, it’s his (violin) bow hand, so he’s got this natural circle going between his thumb and index finger as he shakes it. “Piew! Piew!”
The Robber jumps into the wooden playground car and grabs the Golden Basketball Of Money. My child — The Police — scrambles into the car after him. The Robber shoots again. Preschooler stands perplexed, looks at me, looks at his own gun-less hands, and looks at The Robber, then proceeds to punch The Robber in the back. Horse-stance, perfect Tae-kwondo punches. He’s watched way too many of my classes.
“WAIT A MINUTE!!!” I yell. “YOU CANNOT HIT HIM!!!”
“How do I fight?” my poor Preschooler yells.
We don’t allow guns in the house. We don’t allow toy weapons in the house. He’s not allowed to watch any violent movies. All he knows is how to punch like a black-belt. He can kick and punch, using his body weight and perfect fist position.
He hits again. The Robber don’t give up the basketball for nuthin’.
“STOP IT!!” I yell. We could be sued. “You cannot HIT!” I yell.
Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here — this is the War Room!>
“WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?” Preschooler yells.
“Shoot him, I guess.” I scream back, brokenly. Horrified. The Horror. The Horror.>
Distraction! “I’ve got an idea!!” I yell. “Why don’t you play Hurricane Hunters!” It’s the Preschooler’s favorite game. When there are enough paid adults present, they channel the Preschooler and his colleagues towards scientific discovery-enriched dramatic play. This is why we pay the big bucks.
I have to infuse “Hurricane Hunters” with enough potential violence to entice the rest of the new friends, but soon the Preschooler is releasing probes into the storm and radioing in data he has culled from the instruments to the Florida coast, and the other kids are shooting cannonballs at the Hurricane to kill it.
A three-year old runs across the playground, dribbling a soccer-ball. Perfect balance. My kid can barely hold the ball and run at the same time. Don’t genetics proceed towards a norm? Shouldn’t he be a bit more adept than both his parents? I mean, he can actually see through his own eyes, unlike either of us. I thought maybe he’d maybe be gymnastically-capable, too.
Or maybe it’s my fault. I haven’t been playing soccer with him. I’ve been forcing him to practice the violin, do capoeira. He had tennis lessons for a while. He doesn’t even have enough competition in him to want to win at the games they play in music class. And, at four, he still doesn’t know how to properly fire a gun.
The fact that in this context, shooting was a lot less harmful than hitting, was really disconcerting to me. It also doesn’t help that hitting is something that I actually spend two hours a week teaching. But from talking to other parents now I am starting to really believe that our input, our discussion, our views on these types of things, whether they are pretend shooting, real hitting practice, creating music, or watching anything on TV, our guidance is of paramount importance. When kids decide to kill — even just to kill pretend monsters — we need to make sure they understand what Murder Death Kill really means.
So let’s make sure we keep our minds and mouths open.
And please, VOTE. On TUESDAY.
Most Recent Opinion Comments
Curtis Orchard is always good for an hour or three, especially if you have rugrats.
eugh….I remember that sex ed class and i’m pretty sure I know the teacher you’re referring to. that place was hell.
Love the story about sex ed at the middle school. That’s what I do every day for my job—it’s so exciting to see students engaged in material many adults and parents assume is above their understanding or maturity level. Thanks for sharing! Oh, and if you…
“Rag Doll” by Aerosmith is a great accompanying song when you are throwing a tennis ball onto the floor to bother the people below you.
http://www.news-gazette.com/news/agriculture/2010-09-01/south-farms-taking-aim-birds-noise.html If U of I did any research into repelling birds, they would use a very silent but effective high output LASER instead of adding noise pollution to the already olfactory polluted area http://www.allpestco.com/2009/06/laser-bird-deterrent-or-laser-gun-vs-birds/
“I have some reading to catch up on, poolside.“ Classic.
What sticks in my neck is that most noise (unwanted sound) is a violation of the law. So why is it often so difficult to get the authorities to address the issue? Why are the anti-social elements so protected? These lowlife induviduals now seem to have the…
Spirit echoes - http://www.iainandjane.com/work/silentsound/index.shtml
People are entitled to peace and quiet. That gift has been lost and once lost is hard to regain. Anti-noise activitists fight for everyone’s right to have peace and quiet. Thanks to those that fight for our right to peace and quiet.
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Illinois has simply had no luck at all in these Mizzou games. None. I think maybe we’re do for a couple of bounces to go our way. If we get one or two (or sever or eight) breaks, I think it’s a win.
Jason, Savoy could easily join the CPL tax district, which is probably closer to most Savoy residents than the Tolono library is. But my impression is that Savoy residents as a whole don’t want to pay the cost of the CPL (Tolono’s library taxes are cheaper), even…
Sorry, but I am lagging behind on updates to the map. Also, some construction projects were delayed from their original start date. On a more positive note, I am putting together a map of haunted houses in Central Illinois. I have a few plotted already, and I…
I’ve never gotten the privilege of all the services CPL cardholders get. I just want to be able to go out of my way to drive to the CPL to check out books, pay fines, maybe buy some coffee, and enjoy the library. None of those activities…
These days, there is more to using a library than checking out books. At one time, paying into the Lincoln Trails system probably would cover the expenses incurred by other libraries in the system. Now, with Internet, videos, coffee shops, wireless Internet hubs, etc., I suspect the…
(speaking as a Savoy resident) By paying taxes to support a member of the LTLS, we are paying our “fair share” to use any LTLS library—Tolono, Champaign, Urbana, etc. This is how library systems work. The 6% of CPL’s circulation represented by Tolono users is NOT significant…
I read Timbo’s argument. I think the key word is “speculating.“
I would be interested to hear more about the “word on the street”—how are individual hauling companies fulfilling their promise to recycle?
Timbo makes a smart, sound argument. Reread it.
I joined on 09-09-09 after living here over a year, and having to listen to my dad tell me how his best friend is, like, #27 or something crazy like that, and how said friend never lived further than 50 feet from the Illini Inn while going…
And, I might add, no one is being prevented from using the Champaign library. They are just being asked to pay their fair share if they are going to use it as their primary library.
The equation is pretty simple here. If you want social services, then pay the taxes required to run those social services. These things only work if everyone puts in their fair share. As a heavy user of the Champaign Library, I say bravo to this new policy.
Curtis Orchard is always good for an hour or three, especially if you have rugrats.
What is the increased marginal cost of serving a resident of Savoy or Mahomet? I suspect negligible. What is the increased revenue to be realized by this new policy? I suspect very little. Aside from these financial aspects, what are the most probable results from this new…
Looks like you are also all members of the killer sideburns club.
Thanks for the article, Ben. I was not familiar with this band until now and even though I won’t be able to attend the show on Friday they are now on my radar. A *good* jam band is hard to find, and these folks appear to fill…
Nice article, love the Dead quote in the beginning. If they can get down here to Central FL I’ll definitely be heading out to the show. Some of my friends have finally stopped wincing when I say “jam band.“ I’ve now tried my best at more descriptive…
@Annie: Yeah, my bad. That was the best part! Drinking + memory exercises = fun @Rob: According to Ask the English Teacher, “My dictionary says ‘drunk’ is an archaic past tense of ‘drink.‘“ We’re all about the new grammar around here.
Katie, have the residents of Savoy and Tolono thought about having their taxes raised a little to help their public library expand? That’s a possibility for them. And then everybody wins.
good call on that Herring recording, Josh. Love that version of Exit Music….here’s a clip of the Cinco de Mayo show (from about six months prior). As I recall, this Shakedown went on for roughly a half hour, while getting into the Trampled Underfoot jam in the…
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Sorry, but I am lagging behind on updates to the map. Also, some construction projects were delayed from their original start date. On a more positive note, I am putting together a map of haunted houses in Central Illinois. I have a few plotted already, and I…