When I worked at FedEx, the company had a policy in place that prevented employees from transferring to another position for a period of 18 months. This might seem like a long time to be held in a position, but it makes sense. It normally takes a minimum of three to six months for a new employee to get a grasp on their job. It might take another six months for the same employee to be autonomous in their position. After another six months or so, that employee might feel confident enough to train someone to learn their job. While this is all situational and dependent on numerous factors, it is still my opinion that it takes at least one to two years for a person to learn a job.

Technology is very convenient in the workplace. It speeds up communication, cuts down on the use of paper and allows information to be analyzed more efficiently, thus enabling companies to run more smoothly. I work in a very fast-paced environment, so the use of technology is critical to our survival. Whenever I hire someone, I am able to send out all of our new hire paperwork to the new hire via his or her email. I find this to be very helpful to us, because we are able to circumnavigate the postal service. The new hire usually likes this too, because within hours after the offer is made, they have all the information they need, prior to their physical.

Even though technology does pay off most of the time, there are times when it can be disastrous. I have found that some applicants don’t think about how their technological choices might be viewed by potential employers.

I guess a fake email went out recently to undergraduates of the University of Illinois stating the negative aspects of fraternity life and rush week. Since it has been some time since I’ve been in school, I can’t necessarily say what rush week or frat life is like anymore. What I can do is relate my own frat experience in this article.

Do you remember the show Kids Say the Darndest Things? It was a television show, hosted by Bill Cosby, that aired during the end of the 90s (a previous incarnation was hosted by Art Linkletter). In the show, Cosby would ask adorable children simple questions to provoke a cute response. The novel show didn’t last long, because eventually audience members started to throw up due to the hyperbolic levels of cuteness the kids exuded. The Surgeon General came in, shut the show down, forced Cosby into exile and made Art Linkletter (co-host) eat pudding pops for a year. Of course that isn’t true, but the show did run out of gas, because cute kids really aren’t that entertaining.

If I had a chance to develop a show that would eventually run itself into the ground after one season, it would be "Applicants Say the Craziest Shit." I would set up hidden video cameras in my office and I would edit all the footage so that America could see the insane behavior some of my applicants possess.

FedEx Ground states that it doesn’t have employees as drivers, but rather independent contractors who are free to manage their own business. However, here are some rules that have to be followed:

• Contractors can only use their delivery vehicle for other commercial purposes only if the company’s decals are covered up.
• If a contractor’s truck has FedEx Ground packages on it, then that vehicle can’t leave FedEx property.
• Contractors can’t repair their vehicles because they are the company’s property.
• Contractors are reprimanded by management if packages aren’t delivered or picked up on time.
• Contractors can’t add on new vehicles without the company’s permission, regardless of whether the addition of another vehicle would benefit the contractor.
• FedEx doesn’t recruit drivers for contractors, but they can employ temporary drivers, who can then work for a contractor.
• Contractors must wear a FedEx uniform.

Now, just think about this: if you were a contractor and you were told when you needed to start your day, when you needed to have a package delivered by, when you had to have a package picked up and that you can’t take your vehicle home, wouldn’t you feel like an employee?

As I stated in my last article, FedEx Ground and FedEx Home Delivery do not hire drivers to deliver packages to homes and businesses. Instead, contractors are used to get the job done. This means that ordinary men and women have to purchase a vehicle and possibly purchase their own route if they want to start their own business. This can be quite costly, or quite profitable . . .

Once a potential contractor is approved for a loan, then they can purchase a vehicle. FedEx can help point the contractor in the right direction, but they can’t participate in the purchase or in the negotiation of the purchase. Once the contractor has acquired a vehicle, the company will give the contractor FedEx decals that must be strategically placed on the vehicle. The contractor must pay someone to install them. After the truck is decorated, a safety inspection is performed. If the inspection goes well, the vehicle will be cleared to start operating as a package delivery vehicle, but only after the contractor has also been able to get a commercial driver’s license.

Ed. note: The concluding entry of this three-part series will appear next Tuesday.

You finally put together enough money to purchase an iPod. You go online, place your order and proceed to checkout. You enter all your credit card information and then you have to select your method of delivery. Even though you want to get your toy ASAP, you realize how much you are spending, so you select the standard delivery option of FedEx Ground and you impatiently wait three to five days.

Ed. Note: This is the first installment of a three-part series which will run the next three Tuesdays.

I recently had a meeting near Carle Hospital. I didn’t have enough change to satiate the parking meters for three hours, so I turned off of Lincoln Avenue, onto Hill Street and found a parking space on the street.

After the meeting, I returned to my car. As I approached my driver's side door, I discerned an orange envelope beneath my wipers. “There is no way I have a ticket,” I said out loud. Sure enough, when I opened that little envelope, I found a fifteen dollar ticket for BLOCKING/OBSTRUCTING DRIVEWAY (within 5 feet of driveway entrance). I then yelled, “No f-ing way.”

When I think about my high school counselor, I can’t really recall him being influential to me. I think he had glasses and I think I was slightly attracted to his daughter, but that’s about it. I’m sure that he would hate to read this article, but if he had done a better job guiding me, then I could have given him more encomiums in this commentary.

I don’t think I’m alone here. Am I? I think that guidance counselors should spend less time fantasizing with students and more time working on the rudiments of finding employment, such as how to dress for an interview.

Interviewing can be one of the most stressful experiences in life, depending on the desirability of the job. The anticipation of an interview can be intense: you might not sleep the night before, you might not be able to eat all day and chances are you might say something in the interview that you will regret.

I think everyone has gone through this at some time or another. If you haven’t, you will. Eventually you might even land a job that requires you to interview, and then you will know what it’s like to be me. So far this year, I have interviewed over 150 people, and most of the interviews are stereotypically boring. However, now and again I get the opportunity to interview some pretty “special people”.

( Ed. note: Thomas will have more interesting HR stories to tell in future editions of this regular column. )