Greetings, Loyal Reader. I must extend my humble apologies to you for failing to complete a column for last Thursday. I know that you waited patiently at first, calmly refreshing the page every few minutes. …

Good day, Worthy Reader. Despite my best efforts to deceive myself into thinking otherwise, I do actually attend the University of Illinois, and one of the aspects of the university that has most interested me …

Pleasant returns, Worried Reader. As I mentioned last week, the economic state of the world is in shambles. Many people are frightened for the future of their cash, capital, and quarters. Some people are even …

Good day, prodigal reader. Times are tough. Money is sparse, and the economy has taken more blows than Parson Yorick. I feel the strain myself. I am a jobless scholar with limited funds. I have …

After a three week journey up my own bunghole, I have returned, O Great Gouty Reader, a mite dirtier and not a bit wiser. When I finally arrived at Isolation Manor after many hours of …

We now resume with the final installment of The Campus Wit’s tale of Parson Yorick and his travels through the UIUC campus town. …. and his eloquence was unsurpassed. I will miss the venerable Parson …

Oh My! I did not see you there Noble Reader. Pardon me. Let me see. I am truly quite apologetic for my lack of preparation. I was just preparing my tax return (best to get …

Champaign-Urbana is a place of many exciting events and affairs. Most of these notable happenings are reported on by the local fourth estate. However, to my great surprise, one of the most sensational and important …

Make haste, Valiant Readers! Ready your armour and swords. Join me in my battle against the greatest foe currently facing mankind. A foe capable of making chartered accounts shit their pants right in front of …

Happy Reunion, Devoted Readers. Despite challenges to my honor and name, I have returned and persist as your devoted Campus Wit. After a summer filled with tarry and talk, another school year looms. Books are …