Smile Politely


Well readers, as you’re likely aware, it’s summer, and that means it’s CONSTRUCTION SEASON. For these few warm months, the whole town is busy with fixing roads, constructing buildings, and re-modelin’ homes. As a boy I always loved heavy construction equipment, so this month’s column is just going to be a semi-authoritative list of all the cranes in town right now. Get pumped!

First up, we have this strapping young crane who’s working hard near Wright and Green. His name is Bartholomew (large enough cranes get people names, fyi) and he enjoys swaying gently in the breeze.

Think this one isn’t a crane? Well, I make the rules in this column bub, and I say boom lifts are cranes…for people! This particular model is the very successful Genie S-65 (big step up from it’s progenitor the S-55). It’s blue as genies of all varieties are required to be following the release of Disney’s Aladdin (1992). It can grant any wish you desire, as long as that wish involves moving a human around in three-dimensional space.

Here’s another boom lift, a SKY TRAK 10054 “Legacy Series” (very rare, special edition). This one is on a break and smelling some flowers. Delightful. Spotted just south of the County Market on Springfield.

This elegant lass is Marisol. She’s got a fiery coat of paint to match her personality. Marisol is working hard on the new building at 4th and John, which will soon join the other huge, boring buildings there. Marisol has all of her counterweights down at base level, which I appreciate. Certainly seems much safer to me.

This is 100% not a crane, but it is called the Ditch Witch, a great name, so it gets included on this list. I’m starting to wonder how prevalent it is to name construction equipment after mythical/magical entities.

Here’s a great crane whose main job appears to be taking heavy things off of roofs and putting them in this dumpster. A noble endeavor. Keep fighting the good fight crane buddy!

Just two cool vehicles chillin’ together after a hard day’s work. They’re very different but they’re still BEST FRIENDS.

This is the JLG ULTRA BOOM, the king of boom lifts. It fears nothing, and it cannot be tamed (except by this guy Ted here, who is currently riding it).

Look at these classic lines! Both the crane and the magnificent Memorial Stadium behind it. This crane reminds me of that old children’s book Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel. It’s red and has caterpillar tracks and everything. Just perfection.

I tried to check out the port o’ potty for use in a future review, but it was occupied. Presumably by Mike Mulligan himself.

By far the best thing I saw during my cranespotting expeditions was this: the creation of a new crane!

We got a three-crane situation here folks!

Amazing. It’s like watching a giraffe give birth on Animal Planet. Except this process takes like 6 hours and a crew of a dozen skilled workers.

Here’s the proud momma crane! Or like… midwife crane? I dunno, the metaphor really breaks down immediately.

Look how awkwardly majestic they all look though! How are they even standing? It’s clearly impossible by all known laws of physics. These amazing structures not only stand on their own, but also PICK UP OTHER HEAVY STUFF. Cranes truly are miracles. Pay attention to the cranes in your life my friends. They’re doing their best every day and they deserve to be recognized.

Did I somehow miss an important crane in town? Let me know with pics in the Facebook or Twitter comments for this post. See you fine readers again next month!

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