Smile Politely

Healthier Snacks

Prior to Tuesday afternoon’s practice at the Assembly Hall, three Illini basketball players celebrated their 1,000th career answer to the same old questions.

The Illini play Oakland Wednesday at 7pm. There’s no TV, so the old people will have to brave arctic winds if they want to doze lightly in front of a warm basketball game.

For posterity and completists, here are the voices of Mike Tisdale, Brandon Paul and Bill Cole each doing his unique impersonation of a guy who is not thoroughly bored.

Not everything was as it usually is.

Chester Frazier and Jerrance Howard arrived with McSalads. Chester also had a McWildberry McSmoothie.

Chester says he’s up to 207 McPounds, and wants to get back to his playing weight. Most of that 207 is titanium and iron, and not McCheeseburgers. Some of it is connective tissue, and the rest — as we all know — is heart.

When asked if he’s seeking a return to his playing weight, Jerrance gazed into the middle-distance, possibly at the stadium’s ascending aisles, and replied “I just want to make it up those stairs without huffing and puffing.”

Jerrance also has a lot of heart, which famously pumps orange and blue blood. His extra weight is McDoughnuts.

A lot of people never ask me “so what’s it really hanging around the guys on the basketball team?”

And here isn’t really an answer.

But if you’re a fan of short, boring videos; or if you like watching very tall people dick around; you won’t want to miss this!

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