I promise this is going to get around to talking about football and, more specifically, Illinois playing Washington this weekend at Soldier Field. Whether you go in person or tune in (5 p.m. Saturday, Big Ten Network), you are probably wondering what to expect.
We’ll get there. But to get there, we have to talk about daiquiris.
You owe it to yourself, just once, to take the time to mix a classic cocktail and follow the original recipe exactly. Get an ancient bartender’s manual: the ACES library has an impressive collection of old cookbooks and the like so that’s a good place to start. You can find some online, but there’s a lot of misleading information out there, so stick with an authority. David Wondrich will give it to you straight. Why an ancient bartender’s manual? The short explanation is that these books were made when cocktails had to accomplish more than they do now. The booze back then was pretty rough stuff. These recipes are nothing short of alchemical, making golden flavors from leaden materials. Using the same recipes but with today’s improved ingredients, the results are transcendent.
An example: My wife can’t stand whiskey drinks, though I love them above all others. But she frequently request Manhattans (at home, only) after having one made according to the first known recipe, which dates to the 1870s. Get the full tale and the true recipe here.
A few months ago, the home bar got really, really low. Rummaging through the last remaining bottles, I came across an old bottle of Bacardi Silver, the last vestige of the days when my wife drank Cuba Libres. About all I can make with what’s on hand is a daiquiri. I’m not in a sorority, and I don’t live in a TGI Friday’s. But how wrong can Hemingway be?
It was life changing.
This is getting to football. I swear.
The recipe for a real daiquiri is alluringly simple: rum, sugar, lime juice. That’s it. No blender. No banana or strawberry. No flair. A real, true, honest daiquiri is a thing of incredible beauty. There is one right way to make a daiquiri. There are 5,000 ways to f*** it up. Substitute the wrong kind of sugar and it won’t dissolve. Switch to simple syrup and the drink is too watery. Too much lime juice or too little are both equally ruinous. Deviate from the prescribed proportions and you’ll immediately see what a high wire act the original is: the balance is as perfect as it is tenuous.
What does this have to do with football?
When the Illini take on the Huskies we’re guaranteed to get a daiquiri. It could be a perfect mix, everything falling together just right. It could be a God-awful monstrosity, processed corporate crap, a daiquiri in name only.
Some drinks can’t be ruined. Gin and tonic: even when it is slapped together without any attention, it’s still very good. As football teams go, Ohio State is a gin and tonic. Illinois is not a gin and tonic. It’s going to have to all come together perfectly for the Illini to keep winning.
Last week, versus a very good Cincinnati team, the Illini were a good balanced drink. The defense provided just the right amount of third down stops. Special teams provided a little excitement but mostly stayed out of the way and set the stage for the other elements to shine. The offense brought everything into balance. A great daiquiri: a bracing, perfect tartness of unexpected play calls and perfectly lobbed passes.
The week before, against Southern Illinois, the Illini were everything that can go wrong in such a mixture. Too much of a good thing (passing production), overwhelming the second lead (the run game), and the backbone (defense) trying but failing to bring it all into balance.
Today’s fun fact: up until 1923, the Huskies were known as the Sundodgers, a reference to the Seattle weather and a name they never should have jettisoned.
I have no idea how Illinois will play Saturday or what the outcome will be. I’m hoping for another perfect cocktail. Washington isn’t known for having a huge Chicago alumni base, and crowd will be almost entirely pro-Illini. The team is excited coming off last week’s win, and the fans finally have a glimmer of hope for the year.
Just the same, there’s all kind of ways for this to go awry. Illinois is 1-11 in their last 12 road or neutral site season openers. Washington, oddly, is in the same boat, going 1-10 in their last 11 road or neutral openers. The bettors put Washington at about a ten point favorite over the Illini, but that’s an especially soft line as the Huskies, off last week, have played exactly one game. The Illini, so incredibly rusty in the season opener, have played the functional equivalent of the same: one very good game.
Washington is presently a ranked team but in the lower tiers of the rankings. But fear not: after last week’s shocking win, Illinois is actually garnering some votes at the bottom of the lists as well. More than anything, this should tell you that, based on two games (or, in Washington’s case, one) it’s far easier to tell who the top ten teams in the country are than it is to tell who are the 11th through 25th.
If the Illini play as they did against Cincinnati, perfectly balanced and such a delicious mixture to behold, they will be very competitive. Even that may not be enough to win. Washington beat Stanford last year, as well as Oregon State, and this year in their sole game they destroyed Boise State, who they lost to in a bowl game by just two points the year prior. If the proportions get even slightly out of balance, chances are that the Huskies will seize the opportunity and put a victory out of reach.
But when the mix comes together, it’s a thing of beauty, and truly anything can happen. And, if all else fails, I still know how to mix a perfect daiquiri.