Smile Politely

Local millionaire abandons lady in a snow drift

The Illinois fan base was ready to tar and feather Bruce Weber this week.

Smelling blood in the water, they circled the flailing Illini squad as it struggled to stay afloat. Another loss to Penn State, and they’d have gone in for the kill.

I don’t want them to disappoint them.

Sure, the team put together a good performance versus Penn State. Yes, they won comfortably; expanding their lead in the closing minutes, rather than watching it dwindle. Yes, they held yet another opponent under 40% from the floor. And yes, they continually found the cutter for easy buckets in the paint.

But on the way to the game, Bruce Weber did not stop to help three stranded neighbors extract themselves and their automobiles from snow drifts. Not even the lonely lady who tried to flag him down.

Brad Stevens would have (calmly) dug her out, and probably made her a cup of cocoa.



I’d swear I saw Mike Davis hit seven consecutive free throws. The printed game play-by-play says otherwise. But he made 8 of 10 for sure, and at least four in a row. That’s amazing.

Mike also dunked the ball five times. That’s amazing, too.

How’d he do it? Well, the first trick was eliminate any obstacles. To that end, Mike killed Nittany nemesis Jeff Brooks.


Mike Cation’s been the PA announcer for only a few years now. But he’s already made a mark. Tuesday’s two biggest ovations came in response to Cation announcements. The first came at the under-8, when Mike announced that everyone in the cheap seats could move down to A & B Sections.

The Fox family didn’t seem to mind the company of the unwashed masses. The Foxes also like paying taxes. It’s downright beneficent.

Not everyone took advantage of the vista. But you can’t resent them their enthusiasm.

Mike Cation’s second announcement brought down the house: no school on Wednesday!


A lot of hooey if you ask me. I’ve seen worse.

One cool aspect to icebound desolation is the rare wildlife one finds in it. It was the same way Tuesday.


Among the seldom seen species were Tyler Griffey, Joseph Bertrand, Crandall Head and Sasquatch.


Among the thousands of MIA regulars were most of the media.

I try to stay away from facts, but someone has to communicate the story. So here are a bunch of pictures, plus all the press conferences in their entirety.

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