Smile Politely

Send in the clowns

ISN’T IT RICH?

Ringling Brothers came to town Sunday. High-flying Illini acrobatics thrilled the Illini faithful while a troop of Klowns from Kalamazoo played the foil.

“First damn play of the game and you screw it up!” Steve Hawkins yelled at anyone on the Western Michigan bench, moments into the “contest.” But coach, the ball went in, the clowns probably thought to themselves. And one.

It was like that all afternoon for the Broncos. Whatever they were doing, it was just silly.

Illini assistant coach Jay Price knew that if he scheduled enough Broncos this year, he’d get a laugher. Boise State left no one laughing. Western Michigan had us in stitches.

When the first media timeout came at 15:26, the stats team had tallied one field goal and fifteen rebounds. How great is it to start out 0 for 9 from the field and still embarrass the other team?

ARE WE A PAIR?

The Mikes will not likely find themselves supplanted in the starting line-up.

Davis collected another double-double in only 22 minutes. Tisdale had five rebounds in the first five minutes — displaying increased aggression and physical base — and finished with five blocks, all in only 19 minutes.

But for minute efficiency, Dominique Keller was Sunday’s champion. In his 16 ticks, he H-O-R-S-E-D a team high 15 points. Watching him shoot must mesmerize opponents; it’s such a spectacle. And then the ball hits the bottom of the net, and they stop laughing.

ME HERE AT LAST ON THE GROUND

The long bench returned, as you’d expect in a blowout. Tyler Griffey and Alex Legion got minutes for the first time since, like, forever. Even Stan Simpson scored a bucket.

Griffey’s a freshman, and freshmen big men never play under old school coaches like Bruce Weber. So although Tyler does well when he’s on the floor, it’s always a little suprising to see him.

The Weber Evolvement* takes a step back for every two steps forward, meaning the coach’s new, liberal rotation optimism will occasionally lapse into primordial short-bench dudgeon; useful players won’t get valuable practice minutes while regular horses get overworked.

*(In homage to Warren Harding’s normalcy, I’ve decided to stick with this new word — unwittingly coined by Sean Rooks during the HoopTV.net coverage in Las Vegas.)

YOU IN MIDAIR

Illinois is taller than its opponents. But the Illini can jump, too. Worst of all, when they shoot the ball, it goes in a lot. In the first half of Sunday’s game, the Illini made 86% of their three-pointers. The Broncos connected 7%.

After battling Mike Davis all day, Bronco forward Flenard Whitfield expressed his (exasperation? admiration?) to Davis. “He said ‘man you guys can shoot,'” Davis reported. “And I said ‘yeah, we can.'”

It’s hard to argue with this logic.

When the Broncos played their toughest D, the Illini responded with circus shots of their own. Jordan, McCamey and Richardson took turns defying gravity and physics. Each sleight of hand found the same result: the bottom of the net.

It’s not unfair to field a team of athletes whose common tendency puts ball through hoop. I contend that’s what college coaches ought to look for in a recruit.

The 90s-era quest for athleticism lost sight of the basketball’s Prime Directive: fling ball through hoop. It was fun to watch Bryant Notree flying through the air, but it was more fun to watch Kevin Turner fill it up.

Right now, Illinois has a vicious combination. Our guys can shoot very well, and they do it from the middle of the sky. How do you defend that?

SEND IN THE CLOWNS

Reports of Western Michigan’s deadly shooting have been greatly exaggerated. David Kool came in averaging a ton of points per game. He notched 34 last time out. Dietrich and Brandon put a stop to that.

The expectations for Kool were so high, Public Address announcer Mike Cation even credited Kool with a bucket that didn’t go in! In fairness to Mike, the shot went almost all the way down before crawling out again. It wasn’t just in and out, but in and in and in and out.

Bubba Chisholm had a three along these same lines. The day’s second loudest crowd reaction came when Bubba’s three went 96% in. (The very loudest fan reaction decried an Illini blocking foul, which was 96% charging.)

ONE WHO KEEPS TURNING AROUND, ONE WHO CAN’T MOVE


Alex Legion keeps turning around

Bruce Weber is Pavlov. Alex Legion is Pavlov’s dog.

Legion’s leash is so short, he instinctively heads to the bench when the air-horn sounds a substitution. Sunday, after minutes on the floor, Alex turned and headed to the bench. Assistant Coach Jerrance Howard stopped him, laying his hands on Alex’s shoulders, and turned him around — probably adding small words of encouragement. Bill Cole had indeed been announced, but he was replacing DJ Richardson.

Lately, Legion conjures cocoon imagery. He’s in metamorphosis. The larval athlete once known for a free offensive game now contemplates a complex system.

The thing about Alex is that he’s an intellectual. He internalizes everything. He analyzes everything. In sports terms, he “thinks too much.” There’s no practical benefit to telling a thinker not to think. So instead, I’m waiting for the emergence of a beautiful butterfly, while watching warily for a moth.

Legion was great in the first half. He moved well on defense, and made good decisions on offense.

Al’s outlet seemed like a good idea for the initial half-second of its flight.

But then he made one particular bad play. Eager to outlet a fast break, Alex threw an interception.

Whether he dwelled on it, he never recovered. In the second half, Alex reverted to High Plains Drifter, wandering around the arc and firing long shots whenever he touched the ball.

Richard Semrau can’t move.

Richard Semrau again played great, and again played almost not at all.

His seven minutes against nonexistent competition might be rationalized by the need to play Tyler, and the desire to get Stan Simpson in the game. But seven minutes?

As per usual, Richard was aggressive on the boards, active underneath, and deadly from the baseline.

DON’T YOU LOVE FARCE?

Northern Iowa athletic director Rick Hartzell umps like an Egyptian.

Perennial favorite S. Claus took time off from sleigh-packing on Sunday. He and Mrs. Claus got a big ovation from the crowd when they were spotted on the Big Screen.

During timeouts, Claus was seen contrasting lists of Chief supporters and anti-Chief activists. It wasn’t immediately clear who’d been naughty or nice.

Evidently, David and LaVon Steinborn did not get the message about wearing orange

WELL, MAYBE NEXT YEAR

Illini signee Jereme Richmond, making his entrance again with his usual flair, waltzed past security, through the media area, and on to the court during warm-ups. Fellow showman Keller greeted Richmond with a fistbump.

Richmond sat not too far from Chasson Randle, who watched Sunday’s blowout with his dad. Jereme and Chasson were in town for the Shootout at the Hall. Jereme’s Waukegan squad lost to Champaign Centennial. Chasson scored half of Rock Island’s points Saturday, leading them to a 58–52 win over Meyers Leonard and Robinson.

Randle’s college plans are still a gray area. But he seems happy surrounded by orange.

 

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