Smile Politely

C-U Ministers and Their Mansions

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches; I must make amends.
                                                        —Janis Joplin

The Bible contains a lot of wisdom about wealth. In fact, wealth may be the number-one topic addressed in the Bible (it’s certainly in the top five). Let’s review just a few of the more well-known passages.

You may have heard something like, “money is the root of all evil”, being espoused here and there. This is a slightly misquoted phrase from the apostle Paul’s first letter to Timothy. The actual quote comes from chapter 6 of that letter in which he writes, “Of course, there is great gain in godliness combined with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it; but if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these. But those who want to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and in their eagerness to be rich some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains.”

One of my favorite images comes from Matthew 19 where Jesus says to a rich young man, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” The young man went away grieving because he had many possessions. Then Jesus told his disciples, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

At the end of Acts, chapter 2, we get a glimpse of a caring, loving and financially sharing community when it says, “All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need.”

This passage, which clearly illustrates that the early Christians governed themselves with a form of Communism (in its original and intended purist form), really irritates a lot of contemporary conservative Christians who have somehow come to believe that the capitalism of corporate America is God’s kingdom on earth, thanks to televangelists like Pat Robertson and the like.

The Bible has a lot to say about wealth, but the message is consistent in all of its forms. The basic theme can be summarized like this: As long as there are poor, hungry, suffering, sick, homeless people in the world, nobody has any business hoarding wealth.

So, during one of my brief moments of unstructured free time, I thought it would be interesting to look up some local church leaders and see what sorts of digs they lived in. After all, one would think that if anybody lived in a modest, inexpensive abode, it would be a pastor, right?

But as Gomer Pyle often said, “Surprise, Surprise!”

The Champaign County Assessment Office maintains a list of property records online.

Here are a few of the listed properties that are owned by local church pastors and the properties’ assessed values:

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STREET ADDRESS VALUE
2637 S. Stone Creek Blvd……….$471,047
2204 Seaton Ct………………..$322,563
4505 Doverbrook Dr…………….$275,308
1808 Emerson Dr……………….$235,644
2611 Cherry Creek Rd…………..$227,333

Keep in mind, these are only the assessed values. The appraised (or fair-market) values of these houses are even higher.

I haven’t included the names of any of these pastors because I don’t want to embarrass anyone specific (but you can look up these addresses at the afore-mentioned URL and see who lives there yourself).

I’m sure some of the pastors who live in houses that are assessed at more than a quarter of a million dollars (and one nearing half a million) have very good reasons for doing so. Perhaps they need the space and luxury for all the homeless people that they’ve invited to live with them. Maybe they need lots of square footage to store all the food that they give away to the hungry or for the medical supplies that they use to heal the sick. Whatever the reason, it must be totally selfless, right?

So I would just like to say thank you, pastors, for all the good things you’ve done for our community! Your property taxes have helped fund our public schools and you’ve kept the local real estate agents happy with some nice-sized commissions. Keep up the good work!

Finally, here is a delightful little verse written by C. S. Lewis that was inspired by Jesus’ saying from Matthew 24:

All things (e.g. a camel’s journey through
A needle’s eye) are possible, it’s true.
But picture how the camel feels, squeezed out
In one long bloody thread from tail to snout.

NOTE: I would like to write another article that lists the salaries of local pastors. Any local pastor who would not be embarrassed sharing their annual salary with the public, please email me your figure. Again, I won’t include your name (unless you give me permission).

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