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Frightened Illini to battle Ken Starr in Toilet Bowl

Ron Zook’s 6–6 Illinois football team today accepted a Texas Bowl bid. They’ll challenge Baylor University in the Ultimate Battle for Mediocrity.

Baylor’s new President is American überprude & constitution eviscerator-in-chief Ken Starr.

BAYLOR QUICK FACTS
GENERAL INFORMATION
Location: Waco, Texas
Chartered: 1845, by the Republic of Texas
Enrollment: 14,900
President: Ken Starr
Faculty Representative: Michael Rogers, J.D.
Athletic Director: Ian McCaw
Conference: Big 12 (South)
Nickname: Bears
Colors: Green (PMS 560) and Gold (PMS 1235)
Stadium: Floyd Casey Stadium
Capacity: 50,000
Year Opened: 1950
Surface: Artificial (Prestige)

FOOTBALL INFORMATION
2010 Record: 7–5, 4–4 Big 12 (South, 4th)
2010 Final Ranking: None
2009 Bowl Appearance: None
Offensive System: Spread
Defensive System: 4–3
2009 Lettermen Returning: 47 (22 O; 23 D; 2 ST)
2009 Lettermen Lost: 23 (10 O; 10 D; 3 ST)
2009 Starters Returning: 14 (7 O; 5 D; 2 ST)
2009 Starters Lost: 10 (4 O; 6 D; 0 ST)
First Year of Football: 1899
All-Time Football Record: 531–535–44 (.498)
Conference Titles (last): 6 (1994)
Bowl Appearances (last): 16 (1994 Alamo Bowl)
All-Time Bowl Record: 8–8 (.500)

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