Smile Politely

Pygmalion Name Dropping

So on my way home from the Canopy Club last night, my bicycle was hit by a car, leaving me with cuts and bruises all over and forcing me to call in sick to work. Silver lining? Suddenly my day was free to sit around and write for fun! (while licking my wounds)

I came up with this little tidbit in about an hour or so. Probably an hour better spent doing more important things, like showering, but hygiene is overrated.

I tried to incorporate every Pygmalion act into this little story (kinda Mad Libs style). I know I left out a handful, but it just got a little ridiculous after awhile.

Anyhow, enjoy! And feel free to write a better story!

Pygmalion Name Dropping

I was reading The Books about Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s on my Yacht when the Headlights of a Maserati caught my eye. The Low beams were like a Sunset Stallion over the New Ruins of my Village. I grabbed my Maps & Atlases before battling the Wavves of the Oceans, and headed to shore where I met my friends Owen and Ohtis. Our plan was to visit the Gentleman Auction House where My Brightest Diamond was up for bidding, but the Girls Next Door — Liz Janes, Angie Heaton, Tracey & Tricia, informed us that Joe Pug had gotten lost in the Mazes of his Paper Route.

“Now Now Every Children,” I exclaimed, “we have to find him.”

But the streets of Mason Proper were so pooly designed, navigating them was like putting together a jiGsaw puzzle. Not to mention the On Again Off Again Light Pollution, which caused random Phantograms in the night sky. I rembember back in the Post-Historic days of The 1900’s when we didn’t have such problems.

We enlisted the help of The Number One Sons — Stan McConnell, Ryan Groff and Bob Nanna. They suggested we hop on the World’s First Flying Machine to continue our search. On account of my fear of flying, I decided to continue on foot.

“My Dear Alan Andrews,” I asked, “would You & Yourn mind manning the air search?”

He agreed, and the rest of us headed down Mt. St. Helen’s Vietnam Band road (I still don’t know why they decided to give that street such a long name). We must have walked an Alpha Mile before reaching Elsinore, where we stopped for some Iron and Wine at a little cafe called The Hood Internet. Our waiter, William Fitzsimmons, suggested the Pomegranates. We ate and listened to some Japandroids on the Jookabox. It was a Ra Ra Riot! But we had work to do.

“Take Care,” our waiter said, “and watch out for Gazelle, especially the big one they call Decibully.”

We took his warning seriously. We also came across a Marmoset and a Common Loon. A few of us even thought we saw Mordechai in the Mirror. But still no sign of our lost friend. We even asked the Tractor Kings, who sent us to The Delta Kings, who ended up being a Company of Thieves. We were down on our luck.

Finally we struck Solid Gold! Help from all of the DJs of Golden Quality: CZO, Mertz, Kosmo and Belly. Together with the Hathaways, the DJs had invented a machine they called an Autolux, which would prove very useful in aiding our search.

“That thing looks like RJD2! How does it work?” I asked.

“Well, you just grab the Horse’s Ha by The Antlers, and Good Night & Good Morning!”

Next thing you know, we were back in the Empires of Lucero with our missing paperboy, playing BLK JKS and watching The Life & Times of Starfucker.

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