Smile Politely

This school is clear

Just days after mine subsidence cause considerable structural damage to a school in Benld, Ill., Champaign Unit 4 officials discovered the complete disappearance of Dr. Howard Elementary School early Wednesday morning.

“It’s like the earth just opened up and swallowed it whole,” said Judy Gardner, a 3rd Grade teacher at Dr. Howard. She arrived at 7 a.m. for class only to be turned away by the Champaign Police and Fire Departments. Describing the scene Gardner said, “There’s nothing left, just a basketball hoop sticking out of the ground.”

University of Illinois Earth Scientist, Maxwell Cleaver, suggests a few possible reasons for the school’s disappearance, “Mine subsidence is a plausible explanation, but the sheer depth necessary to envelope a three-story building is more indicative of the presence of an old Indian burial ground.”

When asked to comment on the rumors of an Indian burial ground, Unit 4 spokesperson, Kayla Parton said, “I think it is far too early to blame anything supernatural for Dr. Howard’s descent into the Earth. Right now, we’re primarily focused on finding new classroom facilities.”

Possible causes for the early-morning discovery are still under investigation.

Happy April Fool’s Day from Smile Politely.

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